Sleep.

I can't get to sleep because I made a poor decision and napped today while I was uploading my Idina footage to youtube. I decided I would look at said youtube footage ( in order to get the number of views up ) and I started down a path of many Idina videos. I watched her backstage at Wicked and some performances and then the final video which brought me to tears.

Tears because she is wonderful, but also tears because Rent stuff makes me emotional. It was a 48 hours special and Idina was 24. If you do not already know, I am 23. Ask me what I have done with my life? Not what she had I am sure.

I mean, she was singing weddings and working night clubs and making no money just to get her name out there. Do you know how brave that is? What a risk that is?

Sadly, I kind of get it, but not becuase I have taken any risks in my life. Not because I have chosen my one true passion and actually gone for it full force. Nope, not me. I am way too chicken to do that...

My friend was saying how everyone wants to be famous. Everyone is really talented, but not everyone can make it big. It is all about who you know and happening to be in the right place at the right time. Is that a reason not to try anyway? It kind of seems like it is. Well, it's what's stopping me.

Hopefully I will fall asleep soon. For now I am just going to channel Idina's spirit and drive. Maybe her talent a little bit too. I am just going to try not to tear up at my own lack of all those things. Seeing her close to my age really shook me. Stupid youtube.